Nov 25, 2007
it had been one month since my intern begins.. work was ntg much these days.. since i went back to work after my mc previously.. i finished on the water analysis in hartalega.. crammed in the office for the week doin ntg else than online n do some photocopy.. but 2 weeks ago i did follow mr ravi to the sg titi treatment plant at jelebu.. it is a raw water treatment plant belonging to JBA where it is from treatment of river water to drinkin water.. some prob occur there where the chlorine tank leaks n caused the other tanks to turn rusty as well as the buildings.. did not do much there.. jus walk around n help take some photos there..
the journey there was horrible.. the road is damn winding where i felt so dizzy n wanna vomit but luckily didnt after all.. previous week basically my partner for work was on mc nearly whole week.. so i was alone there n i migrated to my collegues place to help with some work.. help up the account department n was given a task to help them with the presentation slide for the upcoming annual dinner.. so i googled, scratch my head off for i hav no idea how should i do tat thing.. my creativity level is far too low beyond acceptable.. hahahha... but somehow i manage to crap some stuff out.. else than my work..
my personal life.. previous weeks wasnt a good time for me.. mentally tortured by my own thinkings.. my parents pressure n naggings.. went home kinda reluctantly last fri.. mom had been callin me few days thru out the weeks.. when i m damn tired by fri evenin when i reach back melati after work n no transporatation to go back kajang.. after go take lrt n ktm by myself tat nite.. kept callin n i hav no choice but to return home though it was already nite time..
reached home around 10pm tat nite n discovered tat i couldnt online at home.. the wifi router is spoilt n the previous connection tat was shared in my housing area is no longer available.. was kinda annoyed by tat coz my bro actually promised tat he would fix the router or changed it after his finals which is like by end of last month.. went off to his room n ask him to fix it soon n he jus kinda ignore it.. so i went of to bed kinda early tat nite with me feelin sick where my flu had jus stop by to visit me for the day..
till sat i hav a cold war with my bro after certain argument or was it an argument? i felt damn frustated tat time.. i banged my room.. even had the courtesy to pack up all my stuff havin the idea of leavin home tat minute to return here but gave up halfway thru when i knew if i did go off tat day my parent would sound me to the maximum n things will jus go worse.. so i lay down on my bed in my room after talkin to fang jing.. called few frens previously but none was available to attend to me.. felt even worse.. but thanx jing.. u saved my day.. cried a while at that moment n fall asleep feelin tired nn worn out.. till my parents came back that evenin announcin an outing to dinner when i finally wake up n go off listenin to my mom's lecture all the way out but jus manage to reply her with noddin n slight smile on my face...
voicing out an opinion at tat time will be assumed as being rude n bad tempered.. i had had enough for the week.. i no longer think i can take in much more.. after naggin bout my personal relationship prob then it turns to naggin of me arguing with my bro.. sigh~ y is it so hard for me at times like this? i totally understand wat she is tryin to convey but how could i make her understand that things was easier said than being done? n y must it b my fault tat i had an arguement with my bro?
this weekend was the worse one tat i had these days.. crammed at home with my flu botherin me.. argued.. nagged.. self blaming.. self considering.. fuh.. i wished i knew how to end things properly.. i wished i knew which is the proper way.. i wished things doesnt turn worse..my flu is makin things worse.. feelin blur n not well for the days.. if i m on the wrong side how do i make things rite? how do i go on?
Posted at 09:40 pm by
kwding
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Nov 8, 2007
sigh... this whole week i was basically on mc.. sat was my 20th b'day actually.. did not go back to kajang to celebrate for the first time.. friday nite i tot i was gonna spend pre-b'day in my room until my housemate pull me out to yam cha later on.. then received an sms from ryan.. sms me to keng kai.. said he in setapak.. i didnt expect him to remember my b'day after all.. dunno y.. got cheated by him.. haha.. i tot he was really unhappy tat nite tat i promised him to accompany him to dinner but i need to get back to my condo before 12... so he came over to fetch me n as soon as i board his car he starts sayin how pity he was tat nite everyone is bz.. his frens went off to penang for hols without him n so on n even me is not free.. haha..
scared me when he says he wanna go up to genting tat time jus to get starbucks ice blended n pie since it was already 11pm tat time.. nearly fainted.. then he say fine... go off to leisure mall.. i was like.. huh.. so far.. but nvmlor.. since he is hinting how terrible he felt.. mana tau.. he brought me back to kajang rockteam.. i tot he was due to get stuff from his fren there.. at the same time.. john called tellin me tat he is at my condo.. faint.. n i m somewhere in the middle of cheras.. so i asked him to go up my condo n ask my housemate to open the door for him.. i didnt expect him to b there tat time...
so when i was halfway scared that he is mad off me.. i went in rockteam n sit there while my fren called.. ou tof sudden ryan appear back out of nowhere n i saw a waiter bringin a cake over n suddenly yik ling appeared.. haha.. i was really really really suprised n happy tat time.. thanx u two!! stayed there for around an hour before ryan rushed me back to setapak again.. there second celebration begins.. john brought a cake from baskin robin over to my place.. ahh.. now i feel bad... n i left him waiting there till around 1++am..
the next day.. my b'day.. i went for bak kut teh in the noon n then shabu shabu steamboat in the evenin b4 headin for movie.. n few hours later i start vomitin.. sigh.. wat a celebration ya? tat nite i vomited 3 times even during midnite.. n the next day twice in the car.. went to the clinic.. get some medicine n mc.. but damn.. mon midnite i vomited once again at 2am.. parent came over to bring me home n make me attend to another doctor the next day n yea... injection was given.. damn.. kajang doctor's enjoy giving me injection lar.. i hav no idea y.. stop vomited but felt bloated each time after i ate.. no matter how less did i eat..
rested another 2 days at home.. today went off to priyah's open house for deepavali.. gathered up with some secondary frens.. was chattin n gossipin n bitchin. haha..sigh.. didnt know y.. when goin home dad started callin n sound me y did i go off till late evenin.. gotta send me back n later on will start to hav traffic jam.. sigh.. i jus recovered n i got sound on the same day.. was rainin cats n dogs when i got home.. got wet in the rain n an hour later i was sent back to my condo.. housemates wasnt around.. went off to hometown will not b back so early.. so i took my own dinner n was feelin ok lar..
until i received a phone call from my mom this time.. soundin me.. where did i went for doctor for the first time on myb'day.. she found my medicine n realise it was a clinic at klang.. got sound from her sayin y would i b in klang.. did i went over to john's place.. am i back with him.. n sound me not to.. ownself think properly.. don play around n don come back to her cryin like shit later on.. sigh.... i felt damn down.. damn bad now.. i didnt expect things to turn out this way.. i did not arrange for this to happen.. i jus.. sigh.. i didnt know.. i hate these.. sigh........ m i wrong?? god.. show me the rite path pls.. show me the rite thing to do!
Posted at 08:51 pm by
kwding
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Oct 29, 2007
last week was the big day of our family... my sis wedding was held.. on friday morning, i went off to ampang park to survey where's ranhill's office.. i arrive ampang park around lunch time n was exploring tat place.. haha.. i walk around in knee length pants n t-shirt with everyone around me in workin attire.. formally dressed.. look like a small kid got lost in the city runnin around.. lol.. ask the guards around the shoppin mall n lrt station n manage to find empire tower.. it wasnt tat hard after all.. then i went off home.. tat evenin was my sis bachelorette nite.. parents catered buffet at home n invied relatives n frens over.. when relatives were here sis was still at manicure so i m to help my parent to usher them.. was bz for the whole nite runnin in n out of the house bringin this n tat.. =) but was happy.. relatives from far came n when they saw me they was like
Relatives : Wah, u r ah wei??
Me: yea.. (abuthen??) *smiling n tryin to recall who is who*
Relatives : oh my god.. u lost so much weight! become beautiful n slim d! len lui d wor..
Me: *freakin happy* really? no lar.. thanx! *grins*
so tat was the overal conversation between me n most of my relatives..that nite we didnt finish too late but was packin stuff n preparation.. relatives stayed over my place so my room was occupied.. was stuffed into my sis room n slept on the floor for jus few hours when there goes the cling clang sound in the kitchen.. relatives, mom, maid all is cookin n preparin food in the kitchen.. sis alarm rang like around 6am.. or was it 5.30? so i m force to wake up as well.. then get myself ready.. bath dress up n make up.. then there comes the ji mui n other relative.. by around 8.30am the groom arrives n click clack, the groom meet the bride n went off around 10.30am.. me n my bro followed to the groom's place.. stayed around for photography n lunch n went home to prepare for the dinner at sheraton hotel.. went off to the stylist to style my hair n rushed home to change, make up n make our way off to subang.. the dinner was the groom's side.. the dinner was awesome.. i like the ballroom n the emcee! n the whole arrangement.. glad for my sis tat things turn out well.. sunday noon was the weddin lunch on our side.. sat at the receptionist n kept the ang paus with me.. ahahha.. after the lunch got home bath n pack my stuffn direct came back to melati.. monday was my first internship.. so it was kinda rushed.. that few days didnt get to sleep much at all n when i get back need to throughly cleaned my room.. when i m done was damn tired d..
first week of internship jus past n tomolo is the 2nd week d.. first week was ok but kinda bored.. first day was readin info on the company organization, company product.. 2nd day, we were given plan.. plan readin goes on in process which i nearly fainted when they passed it to us.. i stare at the plan blankly n hav no idea wat shit was tat.. damnit.. i m no engineerin student so how the hell was i suppose to know how to read plan?? so sat there n open my eyes damn wide n stare n try to figure out tat damn plan.. so when the project engineer saw we were readin plan he went of to the other stuff to find out wat exactly are these 2 trainee suppose to do.. haha.. so there goes mr daniel ravi comin over to us tellin us he'll bring us to site-seeing the next day..n out of sudden they told me.. so i flew home tat day to get covered shoes n digital cam rite after my work.. damn rushin.. n thank u sui jin.. u fetched me to dinner n accompany me fly to padini n get a formal shirt n brought me back to melati.. n god.. tat day was the first time i use 10 minutes to buy a shirt without comparing...n there goes day 3.. went off to batang berjuntai some area in rawang.. the water treatment plant was at a rubber glove factory.. followed mr ravi all around.. meet with the manager there.. a german.. join their meetin n then led off to c the water treatment system.. i was bz capturin photographs of the whole treatment plant while listenin to the explaination by my collegue.. went off by noon n followed him to sri damansara to meet a supplier.. had lunch with supplier n spent timereadin newspaper while mr ravi talk to the supplier.. then got back to office around 4pm n was called in to meet mr david, the assistant general manager.. was given task.. this comin monday onwards we need to go to the plant to check n analysis the water there.. n help to record down the time for the sequantial batch reactor to work.. so we were ask to read info on instrument n way to analysis the water.. was given instruction n led off to c the instrument.. n transportation was arranged for us.. thurs n fri was kinda bored coz it was info readin again..
so tat was my first week of intern.. overall collegue was ok.. fun after all.. n nice as well.. tomolo onwards hav to go rawang everyday!! n analysis will begin.. ahh.. need to write down n report to the asst general manager directly.. nervous.. haha.. i m to perform well in the 8 week duration of my internship! yeay!!! time to sleep! gonna wake up damn early to work tomolo.. signin off~~
Posted at 12:15 am by
kwding
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Oct 18, 2007
it's thurs d.. this comin monday i'll begin my internship programme with ranhill water technologies n hell i did not know where the hack is the office is situated yet.. gonna find out on my own by tomolo i guess... one day trip on malaysia's ktm n lrt.. =.= these days had not been easy for me.. i didnt know when i start to act like tat.. i didnt even know wat did i do wrong.. once i m glad i hav this retreat place where i can retreat to when i m forced to the maximum level n near break down.. once i m glad i hav my whole bunch of family backin me up.. once i m glad they cared for me.. once i m glad i know tat they will always b with me.. once i m glad this is the place where i fit in n felt belonged to.. but since my hols at home.. i didnt know when it started to go wrong somewhere.. was treated as if i don belong in this circle.. get lectures every here n there.. every now n then.. as if i m bein rude to everyone in the family..symboled as some bad tempered n rude daughter.. every single thing was my fault.. voicing out disagreeness was treated as being rude.. answerin is said to b answerin in improper manners.. being abandon n unhappy bout tat seems to b my fault as well when i m the one bein abandon n ignored.. pickin me up seems to b a burden.. havin a little sis like me is like irritatin.. havin a daughter like me is like some disgrace..once i was really happy every weekend when i get to get home as a break from y hectic studies.. but now i felt like runnin away.. sometimes felt like abandonin this home.. it's tiring.. i was n still m fragile.. i was goin thru the worst of my life once n now i m goin thru it again.. though different matter concerns this time.. when can i get to feel being appreciated.. feel that i belong n needed... m i a burden n disgrace to them? y is everythin wrong.. jus so wrong.. i hav been tryin so hard to correct my life.. to bring my life back.. n y doesnt things turn out rite? tears hav been fricklin silently.. no one would bother wat the f**k did i do or say.. n i didnt wanna bother either.. talk less motion less save my own less problem n fiasco.. there's too much in myself tat i still hadnt let go.. i never did stop blamin myself.. there's time tat i hated myself more than i love myself... being able to b alone is a necessary but bein alone is sad.. i kept a lot to myself.. not a single person on earth knew how badly did i felt deep down.. i hate myself for not being able to concentrate fully on my studies.. i hate myself for lettin myself influence my studies to such idiotic stage.. i hate myself for being low performin.. i hate myself when i pushed myself to max n things still didnt turn out well.. i hate myself when i broke down like a kid.. i hate myself for being undecisive.. i hate myself for not being able to disciplined myself well.. i hate myself for being fake at times.. i hate n i m tired of pullin myself strong.. actin tough when i really wanted to cry.. i hate myself for giving false hope to ppl n hurt him in the end.. i hate myself when i couldnt perform well in my studies since my uni life begins like i did previously.. tat is my biggest regret n worries.. oh god.. pls give me the strength to start loving myself.. show me the way to start loving myself more.. oh god.. i wan back my own personality.. this comin internship.. i wish i could use this times to learn n bring a new me.. i wanna stare in the mirror n c myself smilin for real for the rest of my life!
Posted at 02:51 am by
kwding
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Oct 6, 2007
i m a wonderfully happy young lady!
ahh.. sem break is really killin me.. it's too damn lllooooonnnngggg.... few days into hols i already felt like rottin at home.. this few days, arrange some plan for a trip during hols.. n yet... damn lar.. i m never gonna do all this plannin stuff anymore.. NEVER! everytime sure got last minute prob tat occurs.. damn irritating.. hated myself for being so stupid go plan, google hotel, survey, spread news n even confirmin job n i got nothing in the end.. like 'so poh'.....my hols = eat, sleep, drama, online.. tat's it.. sometimes mayb will go out walk.. tat is like sometimmeeessss.... so far nothin much to do for the weddin preparation of my family.. so jus stay at home n start decayin process.. bro havin exam.. parents din really work these days.. stay at home as well n sometimes think of the weddin stuff but i m of no use yet.. this comin week might b got activity concernin the weddin goin on.. might need to go back to hometown to accompany my parent n sis give out the wedding invitation.. go back aso coz mom most prob wont let me stay here alone by myself.. sigh.. mom say.. sis wedding lunch for our side, kor kor will get a table n so do i.. sigh.. it is a day before my trainin.. my college frens all couldnt make it to attend.. my secondary school fren.. most of them all went oversea to study d.. only left tat few here that will attend.. these few days i tot of inviting some ppl.. a person tat my family knows.. a person tat interact with my family for quite some time but i don dare to.. daddy mommy might not allow.. sis aso dunno how.. i tot o inviting only frens tat know my sis n family.. add me up aso not enuff 10 person.. sigh.. i really lack of frens.. now i realise i m so pity.. kajang frens all gone d.. australia, india, uk, us.. all fly here n there.. lost contact with some of them.. ah.. now i understand y ppl say, one will interact with diff stage of ppl in diff stage of life.. in secondary i hav my whole bunch of ji mui n so on.. to ns.. i hav my ns frens.. to pre u.. i hav pre u frens.. to uni.. my coursemates mainly r my interaction.. to bring all inside a circle is super hard.. sigh.. rotting at home these days make me think a lot of stuff.. n worries as well.. sometimes i felt tat i hav some sort of illness.. haha.. then when think of rottin at home n stare mirror will wonder if i grow fatter of my activities at home.. some fren ask to go shoppin sometimes lazy.. some ppl ask me for dinner.. i cant go coz of some reason.. pengsan.. y my life seems so stupid? brainwashin process..murmuring.. eyes rolling... "i m happy with my life.. i m leadin a wonderful life.. i m a wonderfully happy young lady!" yea.. i m! 2 more weeks... 2 more weeks. my trainin begins! yeay!! my other stage of life is beginnin soon! oh la la~~life is jus tooo short for ppl to sigh on! lol..
Posted at 03:32 am by
kwding
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Sep 28, 2007
finals ended on monday evenin n i've gone home since monday nite.. today is jus the 4th day of my hols n i already started to feel tat i might die n rot at home.. oh my god.. hols is gettin on my nerves.. damn bored.. though i was wishin to get a break after all the hard works but this sem break is too long.. 3 months+ worth of hols.. though i m goin off for trainin by end of oct but coz the trainin period is hang halfway in my hols so i couldnt get another part time job yet... hols.. but my frens r still havin classes.. bz with their own routine.. uni mates.. ahh.. most of them went back to hometown or jus simply no one had any plans for holidays jus yet.. online n bump into kevin in msn almost everyday..haha.. both of us are moanin due to boredom.. n was intendin to plan for an outin but no outcome.. swt~ n christopher as well.. sorry yea.. but sometimes it is really damn irritating to wanna organise n plan a huge outin n as if i m to beg others to join us.. chris.. if u saw this blog.. i support u to plan.. i can help out but i m not gonna beg ppl to go ya? 
results for two subject is out so far.. i managed to pass my thermo n spectro.. was checkin the intranet almost everyday these days.. tot mp n environmental would come out today at least but so far still hav no news yet.. tonite..sis is back from china! might b goin off to airport with daddy mommy to fetch her back.. though she might b goin off to deal with her stuff as soon as she's back.. ah.. today is ray's b'day.. sent him an sms wishin him n end up crappin along with him.. tomolo is ling's b'day! ah ling.. happy b'day.. if only u notice my blog exist after all.. too much b'day goin on.. b'day gifts.. didnt know wat to get for all of them.. i'm gonna rot at home.. ppl! get ur ass up n date me out! =) i m intendin to gettin another dress in use.. pinkish orange tube babydoll dress will b the best but need to hunt n find for it.. sigh.. tat is hard job really..
i made an appointment with ling for a possible outin on this comin sun.. hopefully ntg comes in obstacle.. did not confirm yet since sis is comin home.. if ntg comes in i will b out with ling.. haha.. wen yi n joanne.. erm.. where hav u both been.. informed u all i finished my hols d but no news from both of u! hmmp.. i angry... merajuk.. fang jing promised me an outin next week.. might b on thurs not confirmed yet as well.. ah.. i m cravin for hols.. as in really hols.. it has been quite a long time since i last went out for a proper hols.. crammin at home is enuff to b done.. sigh.. it's hard to think of worthwhile place to go.. ppl any idea? i wanna shop till i drop!!! i wanna enjoy my hols to the max! ppl i'm available for now! 
Posted at 03:27 pm by
kwding
Permalink
Sep 23, 2007
today is the day where a lot stuff happens around me.. there's so much tat i wish to blog out here but i didnt know where n how to begin.. been there consulting my fellow fren's downside today.. break up is indeed a painful experience no matter which state u r in.. there's no rite or wrong in a relationship.. it's the matter between the two ppl in it.. to blame another person is inappropriate.. i forgot where ha i heard this before but it really does make sense n i felt tat it is really important in a relationship.. a relationship is like a journey where 2 ppl would hav to walk thru a straight road together.. in this journey.. they both walk along.. go thru obstacles hand in hand walk thru it.. but yet when one of them begin to come across a cross road n tend to move separately, n the other half did not realise n did not pull him/her back the relationship ends.. in this case the one who chose the cross road should b consider wrong? nah.. the one not pullin back is aso in a wrong state.. so whose fault was it suppose to be? where does the blame lies here? i always do agree when it is said tat relationship is a matter of two person maintained by communication with each other, a interaction in a right way which will b best if blessed by others tat we loved..
today.. i was doin a lot of consultation to few ppl.. haha.. now i realise i really could b a good counsellor.. damn i should take up counsellin or psychology in my degree then.. y the hack did i fell into chemistry? =.= anyway, was sharin my advice n experience with them n yes... i think n recalled a lot of my own experience n memory which i both doesnt wanna remember n those tat i remember.. sigh.. today, i woke up starin at my room's ceiling.. i go thru the day starin my laptop n yet again the walls n ceiling of my room.. no idea wat the hack i was thinkin.. with my notes layin on my table untouched till now.. damn.. n my next paper is on this comin monday.. which meant i m to die horribly in few more hours to make sure i studied my ass out again..this will b my final paper for the sem which i really hope i could go thru.. n oh ya, result for 2 earlier paper was released d.. n oh my god i couldnt believe it, i passed my thermo paper!! n my spectro as well of course.. i was damn worried bout my thermo which i really doubt if i could pass after i came out of the exam hall tat day.. n was really happy tat moment.. then now hav to worry bout the upcomin kinetics paper.. faint~
today i tot of a lot of stuff after i talk to joanne tat day.. we were talkin about ourselves.. i agreed with her tat sometimes it really felt bad when i'm alone.. when i turn into a loner, however the feelin of longingness somehow grow stronger.. wanting to get someone who i could actually share my tot's someone who i could someone rest my head upon n jus b there even if it's jus silent moment.. yea.. we both aso somehow tot of simply gettin one but then second thought.. nah.. we didnt wan any attachment at this time.. n it's really hard to get that someone.. though i know n realise there's someone whom is still by my side n willin to spent time for me but i jus couldnt go on.. i didnt wanna get attach anymore at this moment.. my wounds never really did heal even after 9 months time.. the big wound, i wonder if half was healed.. but yet i managed to go on with my life.. n learn the rule n game of life of course.. n so i move on, i tried to climb back the stairs that lead to success which i somehow drop off 9 months ago.. =) so mayb that's y sometimes i chose to runaway i chose to ignore.. i chose to be only with myself.. i chose to let go.. n i chose to b bad.. really bad.. n that's the choice which i m n will b stickin on with... n i learn to deal with it..
ah...i missed home.. i miss daddy.. i miss mommy.. i miss my bro n my sis.. n my air-cond.. =P n yes i m goin home for my hols after my final.. stuck my ass home n get bz with my sis weddin preparation mayb or not get myself bz with shoppin programme if possible.. hahaha.. i missed my jimui!!! i miss joanne.. i miss wen yi.. i miss yik ling... ah n i miss josh too.. he went of to s'pore d... so sad.. less one ppl for me to disturb d.. however i wished u all the best in ur work in sg my dear!!! ah.. i cant wait to go back to try on my dress tat my bro took back from nichii for me.. need to go home n do alteration on all my dress.. hahaha.. n further shoppin.. i wanna add stuff to my wardrobe as well.. clothes are gettin de-coloured n bored d.. n yes.. i m lookin forward n keen for my industrial trainin next month! this will b my first workin experience in work related to my field of studies.. ah.. excited n at the same time worried as well.. neway, long more time for me to get worried now when i hav finals in my head these days.. =.="
ah.. n i viewed the star online today.. read the news on nurin today.. poor gal..come on.. she's jus a kid.. a kid less than 9 year old n was tortured + sexually abused to death.. i was shocked when i read bout the condition of her body when her corpse was found.. may god bless her soul.. a kid which is still a white cloth had suffered to death.. sigh.. now she could really rest in peace.. condolences to her family.. it is indeed a tragic case.. ppl! it's time to wake up from our ignorance to things happenin around us.. n oh god.. it's damn late now.. n i still haven revise!!! n i honestly don exactly enjoy n like kinetics after all.. ah.. need to get past year paper's answer from the others as well.. nearly forgot bout that.. nah. i aint tat hardworkin to work on it myself.. hehe.. normally do scannin n readin n try to understand the workin ways n tat's it.. muahahaha.. yea.. i m bad.. i admit.. =) ah.. i guess i wan go sleep.. opps.. another day wasted without study.. must force myself wake up freakin early to study tomolo then.. not much time left d.. 24 hours only.. sob sob.. i can do this!!! n i will do this happily!! ah wei is a happy person.. ^_^
Posted at 04:58 am by
kwding
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Sep 21, 2007
in around 8 more hours i should b sitting in the exam hall facing my environmental science n technolgy paper n yet i m bloggin my ass out here.. damn.. connection had been down this few days tat i couldnt connect to the internet n due to the fact that i m stuck here on my own with no one to interact with somehow turns me into my mood swing mode.. damn.. this is gettin nowhere.. i started revising like around 3+ or 4pm jus now.. n it's like halfway thru i gave up n abandon my notes there.. tend to get nap since i know there will b sleepless nite today n yet i couldnt doze off.. n so i stare my whole room.. the walls.. my laptop n so on.. even called to complain bout my connection.. did everythin i could.. due to the fact tat there's no one around at home today it meant i hav no one to interact with n thus i remain silent whole day.. which in turn killed my mood.. tried to study after my dinner.. after i bath n so on.. but things jus couldnt go into my head.. called joanne n talk to her to make myself feel better.. called kevin when he sms me tellin me that he viewed the past years d.. in the end tried my luck to on my laptop n c if i can get online.. alas.. manage to connect thru.. but damage had been done.. i need to find way to restore my top condition.. there's loads of stuff i need to go thru in my notes.. stuff i need to memorise.. n it's already 1am now.. my god.. i felt bad.. really.. like the day before my thermo paper.. no.. i m not to allow another condition like this.. i already did badly on thermo n i couldnt take this risk anymore.. spectro's result was released yesterday n i managed to pass d.. m worryin bout my thermo.. should b out anytime soon in this few days.. i m doubtin if i could manage to memorize all the stuff in my notes.. sigh.. y did i get myself into such condition once again? things r turnin bad.. n it shouldnt b at this time.. the risk is too high.. bloggin had always help to reduce some bad feelings of mine but today it seems so...... sigh.. god.. pls spare me this time.. i pray upon u.. i need every strength i hav.. every bit tat is left in me.. things are gettin out of my control.. n i don like it at all.. nah.. kuan wei.. u can do this.. u can fight this.. it's just 2 more paper left!!! i can do this.. i can.. i need to n i could!! i know i could!!!!
Posted at 01:44 am by
kwding
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Sep 11, 2007
now i finally realise what does it meant by when ppl always does mention by how time flies.. study week had ended n damn i m now stuck back in setapak once again.. came back here yesterday noon n yet i wasted the whole day without a single temptation to even revise for a damn bit.. sigh.. final begins officially by tomolo 2pm n i hav yet done revising everything yet.. there goes another sleepless nite.. though i had expected to not being able to rest during the whole session of examination period.. i jus hope i passed safely this time.. no.. i will not permit myself to even think about failin!! but damn.. woke up early mornin today bath n intend to study spectroscopy n damn i was tempted to listen to the lie test on hitz fm for like half an hour.. then yea.. i studies for like half a chapter n i start to grow sleepy again.. this is doin no good to me.. i went back to sleep then intendin to nap for like half or most an hour n of course as usual i ended up sleeping more than that.. i told myself i require 8 hours completing the whole set of notes of spectroscopy.. n i begin from zero.. by hook or by crook i need to finish it up!!
i would hav to quarantine myself in this rented space of my own.. the one thing i worry the most of returnin here is tat the need of mine for quiet n peaceful space to study will somehow b distrupted from time to time by my housemates.. as usual the enjoyment of knockin of my door by them n so on.. bear with it bear with it.. ahh.. i m stuck here in this space of limited choice of food.. limited connectivity to the net.. limited source of bringin up my mood.. damn.. i shouldnt b complainin tat much.. i m to appreciate.. there's thing tat had been takin up some of my attention from my studies as well these days.. oh god.. how much longer do i hav to deal with this emotion of game of my life.. i accepted that life is like a game to me.. i play by the rules i live by the rules.. i go side along with it if i m to live meaningfully n happily. n yet... there's time when i couldnt distinguish wat is rite or wrong.. what is to b n not to b.. sometimes even i know things wasnt rite n yet i go on with it..n got myself hurt n being dumb all over again.. mayb ppl tend to b dumb in certain matter? but i dowan to b so...
nah.. it isnt time for me to b thinkin any of this matter now.. all that matters to me now is of course my studies at the upper most priority.. i would hav to make my choice clear to myself.. no dumb actions anymore.. no throwin urself off the shore once more.. my life.. i live it my way.. my choice.. i play by my rules.. i go along with it myself.. when necessary, acts are taken n sorry to say but sometimes really protectin myself by havin to hurt others will b needed.. though i tend to avoid it.. hahah.. ahh... i need my damn life back at once! everythin should b back in order in no time.. n i should b sane once more!! ugh.. end of crappin.. my notes still lay wide open by my side.. damn can they do the construction thing when we all finished exam after all?
Posted at 04:05 pm by
kwding
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Sep 8, 2007
tada... it's 3 hours into saturday d.. i will return to setapak by this sunday i guess.. my study week had been a disaster.. my goodness.. fall sick like few days b4 i came back till few days i come back.. then recover for like few days n i got myself sick again.. this time with the addition of my damn menstrual cramps.. i tot i was gettin fine d.. who knows.. few hours ago.. my 'BIG AUNT' decided to give me another shot of pain to me once again.. sigh.. was goin out for dinner with my family at that moment when i felt sudden pain but i jus keep quiet in the car.. when arrive food court everyone went n order food n i jus sit still there.. parents keep urging me to get my food when i told them i don feel like eatin.. the pain i felt enuff for me to b numb of anythin..
Daddy: Wat did u order?
Me : erk.. i dunno wat to eat..
Mommy : go look n order anythin to eat lar..
Me : erk.. i don really feel like eatin.. (enduring pain)
Bro : i go help u order somethin lar.. i order d u must eat wan r... (grins evilly)
Me : *staring at my bro curiosly* wat u plan to get me?
Bro : smile wickedly..
Me :no need.. i don feel like eating.. havin cramps..
Daddy & Mommy : MUST EAT!!
in the end.. i lost the war.. was forced to get some mee n eat... did not finish it as well.. jus stuff some down my throat.. was still enduring pain when we return home.. first thing i did when i got home was to change n of course... my PAINKILLER!! swallowed it n lie down on the bed with my laptop, my hp n of course my piece of note on stereochemistry.. but after half an hour still no effect of my pain killer.. i decided to nap.. so i slept n told my bro to wake me up around 10pm so tat i could study for a bit later on.. due to the circumstances that my family is still wide awake by that time. in my blur mode of sleeping.. i heard voices outside my room..
Mommy : *callin my bro* n dunno say wat d..
Bro : oh..okok..
Mommy : ah wei ler? so early sleep?
Bro : she say menstrual cramp.. very pain so sleep for a while.. she take medicine d.. say later wake up study wor..
Mommy : sigh...
a moment later...
Knock knock knock..
Bro : ah wei~~~ wake up lar..
Me : groanin.. oh.....*return to sleep mode*
in the end.. i slept till 12am only woke up n bath n chat till now.. gotta go study after this.. so far only managed to finished up my environmental science n halfway thru kinetics.. far back behind my plan.. guess i hav to abandon my kinetics tonite n start on thermodynamics instead.. ah... how time flies.. there goes my study week.. ah.. today evenin nichii called.. my dress is ready to b collected!! muahahahhaa.. but too bad.. i don think i m free to go pick up until my final ends.. ah.. i fell in love with dresses these days.. casual knee length dress suits me the most.. haha.. but not much ocassion tat i could dress like tat out.. looks weird.. haha.. these few days i know i must make sure i myself appear in top good condition.. finals around.. plus.. the past.. let bygones b bygones.. stop puttin much hope on returnin to the past.. i sometimes tot myself had got used to b with myself.. n so i wanna b a happy person!
Posted at 03:44 am by
kwding
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