^_^ ah wei ^

Mar 13, 2009

long time..

it had been soo sooo sooooo soooo looonggg since i last updated.. i tot i would never come back to blog here at first..coz i couldnt find words to express my feelings these days.. so i left it unattended.. sigh..

well loads happen as usual.. update on my life.. currently in the final semester final year of my degree.. ahh life had been stressful n hectic.. continuous workloads n all.. n *poof* i'm already at the end of week 9.. fyp presentations had begun n mine was scheduled at the very last week at week 11.. didnt really had much preparation coz jus got part of the results for my compounds recently.. finally did my slides yesterday midnit n continued jus now.. n yea consider it as nearly done.. ah.. n i'm still stuck at introduction on my thesis.. omfg.. it's like week 9 already n yet..intro?? f**k!!

had been sick since the past weekend.. felt like i m a walkin zombie around.. didnt really turn better as i started to lose my voice few days back..ahh i jus hope i got better really soon.. 2 weeks time n my presentation is on..ermm felt unreasonably down today after attendin the presentation session for the others n came home tired n sick.. out of sudden felt a lot of stuff one go.. ugh.. this kind of feeling is irritating n frustating.. hated it coz there's no way i could like explain wat happen after all.. so jus go on with life lar weyy!!

been chamwhorin in uni recently as well.. tryin to fill up a bit more memories of ours at the last year of studies.. we'll b goin apart rather soon..only one more month left n finals is rite there waiting for us.. n in no time we'll b sayin goodbye.. ahhh..tat's sad. but tat's life.. i enjoyed the days where we were crazyin together, ahh the midnite assignment rushin, yam cha sessions, outings occasionally n the vacations.. best buddy, kevin.. i wonder if we would still b good after graduatin..sob sob..

sigh..i'm bored..darn bored with all the work.. ahh i promise i shall b makin my blog more interesting soon..it seems like it's the place for me to express how bad i felt so far.. ermm tat's not suppose to b good rite? ahh,. life should b enjoyable.. i need to make it enjoyable! i miss all of u! wen yi's b'day upcomin d.. happy b'day darling!! muakss..

i'm gonna rest my head on my pillow soon.. or else i would never recover.. n i hav to bear with porridge, mee soups everyday! ugh.. i m already tired of this..but.. the only positive outcome? i lose a bit of weight.. =) which is not exactly noticeable though.. signin off~~ nite to all..

Posted at 12:45 am by kwding
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Aug 3, 2008

troubled days..

before anythin, today is my sister's birthday.. jie jie, happy happy birthday!!

HAPPY B'DAY KUAN HUI!

I MISS YOU!COME BACK N VISIT US SOON K? HUGSS

ME N MY BELOVED SIS!

DEAR SIS, HERE I WISH U ETERNAL HAPPINESS, GREAT HEALTH, WEALTH AND MAY U HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR AHEAD.. HAVE AN ENJOYABLE B'DAY SIS!

it has been almost the end of the semester.. the first semester of my final year.. things has gone all rite till now.. jus human tends to meet the bad days once here n there.. these days.. things wasnt feelin really rite.. my uni work was ok.. goin on as usual.. got used to the weekly report, presentations and so on.. movin here n there every week.. sometimes i will b at jason's place.. n sometimes back to kajang n sometimes cram at melati on my own.. mayb it was the feelin of alone tat i felt when i was crammin there.. i didnt know wat to do.. finding things to go thru the times.. when i was too reluctant to actually put my time with good use on my studies.. sometimes i tend to feel miserable n alone.. i didnt know who to talk to n wat to talk about.. mayb we communicated too frequently tat i feel that as if i didnt know wat else to talk about.. sometimes i didnt hav the topic but i jus wanted to hear him.. but.. it sounds so dry.. i was doin the talkin all the time.. when i felt down n wanted to listen to him.. i would normaly jus heard silence in between.. he didnt hav anythin to talk to me.. n the worst is tat it added up into the account of my mood swing.. it made me feel worse.. i know it wasnt his fault but somehow it really made me feel bad..

i wasnt in mood since yesterday n i felt better this evenin n i tried to somehow talk nicely n happy to him.. were sms-ing.. till i guess he was bored at home tat it influenced his mood.. so i called.. soundin really happy n wanted to make him feel better.. but the way tat he talk to me.. the response that he gave.. i felt like i was forcing him to talk to communicate with me.. previous month we somehow had a fight.. a cold war.. where i cram things in myself.. not tellin out till i really couldnt take it.. i wanted to cry but i couldnt.. tears wouldnt flow till i finally broke down from his words n the way he acted.. i felt tat i wasnt needed.. as if i was some kind of product or toy mayb. when he is in mood of playin he will come to me.. when it wasnt the day he turn his back on me.. i didnt know wat went wrong.. he didnt like the way i was being close n intimate to him.. he didnt like me 'lau kai' to him..

i didnt know wat i did wrong.. we talked but he somehow jumped n skip the matter n jus apologise.. and yes i pretended tat things are fine once again.. now i start to wonder. was it a wrong decision to make things clear? sigh.. we knew from the beginnin tat we were of 2 differnt ppl from 2 differnt world.. but remember wat u told me? tat is wat that pulls us together n perfect things between us.. we tried to make things work together.. but at times.. can u really feel all the efforts i made? y cant i feel those effort from u at times? i know we couldnt measure who is givng more but sometimes.. it really felt tat as if i was makin the moves n toleratin n all.. sometimes i felt so bad that i start wondering.. giving is so much torturing n hard to do.. y cant i be the one giving less n receiving more in return?

every girl had a simple dream.. they all wanted to b loved.. felt being cared n loved all the time.. so do i.. sometimes i didnt know wat u were thinkin..tat i start to take the blame on myself.. but at the same time i ask myself n yes i did make my greatest effort.. sometimes i could feel that u loves me.. but sometimes n most of the time u chose to be quiet, u pulled back..i hate it each time my tears fall.. start rollin down my cheeks for u.. each n everytime i told myself i will not allow myself to cry for u once more.. but each time i failed.. i hated myself more each n everytime.. more n more.. i know u wouldnt read this blog.. u never did.. u said its so long n it's so bored to b readin.. so i know u wont came across this at all.. u wont.....

Posted at 01:58 am by kwding
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May 15, 2008

end of year 2...

finals ended about a week ago.. had been really stressed up during the previous month.. things didnt go very well for my studies.. hav been wonderin wat went wrong but still couldnt figure out so in the end i stop thinkin bout it anymore... no point on thinkin bout things tat i couldnt control in.. better still take the chance to make things better.. though with the least effort was put in.. coz wasnt really in mood.. the moment i tot of the failure i start to cry..i start to throw tantrum.. i turn into moodless person.. anyway.. those had finally passed... spent nearly one week of my hols d now...tomolo i'm goin of for my 1st hols trip.. kampar n penang! =)

erm.... lots had happen as usual.. studies had been really busy n tension previously.. this sem's break is kinda short.. only about 20 days.. but we had plans... i m goin off to penang trip with jason n his coursemates.. n then when i return.. two days later i m goin off to redang! yea!! finally my 1st redang trip with my coursemates.. though time is rushin n pack but at least i get to go for hols.. n of course 2 trips in a row.. i m kinda broke by then.. but nvm lar.. =)

hols for one week went off for movies n shoppin complexes.. but ntg much was done.. kinda bored with kl area.. ntg else to do.. my kaki to shop is havin exam n wen yi jus started a new sem.. so don hav chance to go shop around n change my wardrobe yet.. ahhh i wanna shop... n god sem break + finals lead to gain of weight.. keep feelin tat i gain weight coz all i do is jus eat sleep online n sit there the whole day.. my goodness.. this should not continue...

this upcomin sem i m finally in my final year d.. ah i hav one more year to improve myself.. physically, mentally n emotionaly.. n of course only one more year left to pull up my grades.. which seems hard after this semester.. this semester is the toughest one tat i ever had.. even the finals seems hard.. fuh... i jus hope things will b better in the upcomin ones.. when sem commences i guess we will all b gettin busy with own work.. the FYP... along with our studies... i will manage myself well hopefully..

ah.. recently my mom... brought back a pet puppy... yes a puppy.. in my house! for 20+ years of my life. my parents never allowed us to hav pets n now there's one here.. gosh..i didnt really favor fauna.. i mean c can lar... u wan me to touch.. ugh... i think i more afraid of the puppy than it is afraid of me.. it had come to my house a few days..didnt really interact with it. but today got try to go touch it lar.. still ok.. gettin active these days.. when it first arrive we tot it was dead coz it lays there like a dead corpse.. hahaa...

i should b gettin to bed.. gotta wake up early for my trip.. hehe.. end of year 2.. i shall enjoy my trip very very well!! =) lalala~

Posted at 02:02 am by kwding
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Apr 6, 2008

final spproachin~

wow it has been nearly a month since i last updated my blog.. aiks.. lack of internet services creates prob for me.. didnt hav enuff time to do my stuff online... week 13 had jus past.. tomolo onwards week 14 begins.. the very last week of semester before the finals begins.. n yet i still hav reports to submit and test to study on.. sigh.. havin two lab test tomorrow.. one in the mornin n another one in the evenin.. n damn,,i hav 5 hours break in between.. sigh.. wat m i suppose to do in 5 hours? revise for 5 hours? fainted~ i m suppose to start revisin considerin tat i don hav much time left n yet i m still bloggin around.. haha.. this weekend i continued my drama n movie marathon as usual.. n finished up one of the report..one more last report left n damn tat lecturer.. still haven send us the outline n oh.. we do not hav results on tat exp as well.. how nice.. opps.. i sound sarcastic.. haha..

though i m to face two test tomolo.. i dunno y i m not worry jus yet.. mayb still haven reach the last hours.. steady... my fren says i hav the rights to brag bout m steadiness but i wasnt really bragging.. jus not exactly in that stress kind of mood.. i guess i immune to test d.. so many test goin on n the workloads since beginin of the sem that i had immunity towards all these d. my goodness.. is this a good or bad sign? finals time table are out.. startin my first paper on the 23rd... later i m goin back to melati in few hours time.. n will b back home again for study week in few more days time.. not gonna stay melati to study.. gonna cram home with my head n eyes fix on my laptop and my notes.. swt~

erm.. nothin much had happen these days.. went on with things as usual.. the hectic life of uni.. ah.. the list of fyp supervisor n topic had been finalized.. i m under dr sim, my organic lecturer n will be doin on natural products.. so we were given a task before we could begin... find JASMINE TREE!! n no we do not wan the flowers but we want the leave n stem.. n we need few KGs!! my goodness.. leaves n we need few kgs?? where r we suppose to steal this? anyone could offer me some.. in need of it for next sem.. after finals need to hunt with my partners.. ah.. there is 6 person under dr sim.. one is me, cj, chow ping, lai, my courserep and chen ling.. dr sim said tat we hav to dry the leaves n stem before we may begin our project so gonna spent my hols lookin for LEAVEs and STEMs.. ugh~~

on the other hand, had some hols planned these days.. will b goin off to redang for hols with my coursemates on the week begin new sem commences. had mention bout holiday-ing at redang for years.. n finally plans r made.. deposits are paid so i guess it works this time.. =) besides that, yes.. i do hav another plan as well.. goin off to kampar n penang most probably with jason n CM fellas.. if the dates r ok..the plan will b on.. jus pickin up dates now.. so in other words.. i need to spend a lot.. oh my god.. i really need to save.. n i wanna shop..oh god.. it has been long since i last shop n bought some nice stuff for myself.. my wardrobe are gettin old n bored again.. n my shoe.. yesterday realised that it started to spoil itself.. wore too often or mayb i kick ppl to often or i ran all around the uni n lab too much tat it worn out? sigh now i really do believe. expensive stuff hav its own value n quality.. i tot of changin some perspective for once n yet.. it's only 3 months n the shoe worn out d...

mom's goin off for hols in few days time.. yesterday went out for lunch with bro n met up with mommy later on at jusco.. went n search for a luggage bag n sweater for mommy.. mom's vacation would include visitin jie jie there.. too bad.. i gotta study for my finals.. i cant get to follow.. mommy u r bad.. always go hols when i hav class or finals! hmmph.. dowan fren with u... hahahha.... nvm.. i m lookin forward for my own sem break.. i arranged plans for my own d.. hehe..

this sem.. my finals i m a bit worried.. coz the courseworks marks wasnt really good.. this is the toughest sem thru out the whole 2 years of course so far.. need to spend extra effort n time on each n every sub.. need to at least maintain my results... idea of increasin my cgpa might b kinda hard to be applied.. sigh.. n m still thinkin of wat elective should i take this upcomin sem.. should i go for oral presentation or writtin? i prefered oral frankly.. but i didnt wan to attend the class on my own.. sigh.. rational mind told me i should put my result n studies at first priority but.. i really dowan to be left out from the others... how to persuade them ler??

my personal life.. my relationship with jason is ok these days.. nothin much.. consider quite steady de.. not much argument.. building up slowly i guess.. i hope things goes rite.. dunno if i still can afford to stand any kind of failure anymore.. my parents met him before d.. jus tat.. haven exactly officially came over for dinner.. but since he often fetch me up n down.. there's already some conversation occurin between him n my parents but i doubt if my parents know wat's his name.. weird thing is tat my mom ask bout his background n characteristics but never ask me bout his name.. as far as i recall lar.. i aso forgot d.. haha.. now his mom aso know d.. but not reachin the meet-the-parent session yet.. our progress seems a little bit too fast for me.. i hope things could slow down a bit.. such fast pace makes me worry on the other hand.. but cant be bothered too much bout it since it happened already. =) i'll jus follow suit n as time comes i will know which step to be taken.. lalala~

Posted at 06:25 pm by kwding
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Mar 15, 2008

wen yi's b'day!

today is wen yi's b'day! happy b;day dear!!! went off to midvalley yesterday with jason, beh, dennis, chow ping, lifang n janice.. the plan was to get CJ's pressie.. n my own plan to get wen yi's present.. haha.. mission achieved.. even get to meet her there with joel yesterday.. tonite gonna go for dinner with her at chilli's bangsar.. yea! can dress up nice nice to go out.. ah.. my menstrual decided to visit me at this day again.. so jus now i took my medicine as usual.. feeling pain as usual.. sigh.. i started to get use to all these pain d.. swt.. it has been a while since i last updated my blog.. things happen.. now i hav completed both my assignment n presented for my moral studies.. gone thru midterms.. still got 2 more mid terms left.. my moral studies n another organic paper.. mid term didnt really went really well but still i guess it should b ok lar.. at least now the burden was lifted off my shoulder bit by bit d...

my laptop screen had decided to add patterns on its own without my permission.. it now contains 17 lines.. =.= told daddy bout it and he ask kor kor to go survey n look for a new one for me! yea!!! today will b a bz day.. went off to visit mommy in hospital.. admited for medical check up.. then later on i hav plans with yik ling.. gonna go n trim my hair n hav lunch to catch up details with her.. by evenin i will b at wen yi's place.. nite when i return if i still hav much energy left i will try to do some of my report.. haha..hectic day but it should b a great day ahead.. =)

things had been ok for me this few weeks.. n three weeks ago.. i got myself attached.. haha.. yes.. i still do hav emo times when i got all stressed up with the workloads.. n with that jason irritating me from time to time.. hahahha.. but it was still ok.. today i didnt know y but the moment i was awake i felt good.. mayb i was glad my workloads was lifted much off this weekend and spent a wonderful time hunting for pressie yesterday with satisfied outcome.. too bad didnt hav time to shop for my own though.. hahaha... thanx jason for accompanyin me hunt for pressie for so long.. walk till leg aso no feel d.. i think he gonna hav phobia on goin out to shop with me..beh n i tried to tell u how fussy i was rite? now u believed? hahahahhaha...

time to proceed to another task.. updating soon.. nex week BBQ party at cp's! lalala~~

Posted at 12:09 pm by kwding
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Feb 11, 2008

cny

tonite is the last nite of stayin home for cny hols.. tomolo noon hav to go back to melati d since classes r beginnin on tues..m really reluctant to go back there.. don even hav the urge to finish up my work.. i hav 2 reports n 2 assignment.. one of the report is due on this tues n i hav yet manage to finish it up.. hav been strugglin along the whole hols in finishin it but was too reluctant to do so.. would end up lazing n abundent it instead.. ah..tonite i went off with my family to teluk gong for seafood dinner since my sis came back from china for cny hols.. the dinner was fine.. before tat wen yii came over to visit n had a brief talk together.. i hav no idea y when i return out of a sudden i felt down.. as in really down.. was it coz of the fact that i was reluctant to return tomolo or was it becoz of him? klang, pandamaran, bukit tinggi.. i hav no idea. my mind is really a mess at this moment.. part of it i feel bad when this hols is endin where i could finally steal time off to relax myself.. startin of classes means i hav to go thru the usual life of mine strugglin along my studies..

fact tat i hav to get back there my own tomolo is aso makin my mood bad... i was suppose to do a happy entry on my cny session here but dunno y i ended up feelin not so happy after all.. anyway, cny was jus ok.. went back to perak n celebrated with my grandparents n relatives.. it was quiet this year since some of them did not return this year.. cousins came in to grandma place to meet up with us n accompany us.. had reunion dinner in uncle's restaurant.. came back kajang on the 2nd day of lunar calendar.. yesterday i went off to wen yi's place for dinner.. it was okay.. arrived earlier to help out a bit.. then eat n eat n eat.. jo was late n went of earlier.. manage to talk a bit to wen yi as well.. updatin each other since it had been quite a while since we last met..

jus now was feelin bad.. tot of callin someone to talk to but didnt know whose number to dial.. jing went off to china for hols.. wai san went of to bali d.. jo should b soundly sleepin at this time.. wen yi ... callin jo n wen yi i aso dunno wat n how to tell them.. it was jus my mood.. ah.. it had been a while since i last become depressed out of a sudden.. saw kevin online tot of talkin with him for a bit but he was bz.. goin of jus a while after i say hi to him.. sometimes i wonder was it my fault tat it seems like i lack of close frens in my life? y is it in human's life they met diff ppl n at each stage the ppl that they saw n interact with expects differently from them?

sigh~ my report.. pages of google results was displayed on my screen n yet i was reluctant to do a single shit.. oh my god.. this is a new year.. i do not need my previous emotional habits goin on with me.. i hav abundant it quite a while.. y did u come back to me? yesterday jo return me my thumbdrive.. i had jus open it n look back at some photos.. ah.. once upon a time.. =) this year mommy started work eaerly.. so no one is free to bother bout me.. cny.. pre cny wasnt a good day for me.. somehow i er.. debated with a fren of mine about wat kind of person was i n m i.. at that very moment i felt really bad n insulted.. i hav gone thru so much previously n yet wat i got was the feelin of materialistic n controllin.. my goodness.. was i such person? no i wasnt.. i felt hurt.. n mad tat i fired my fren back.. feelin dissapointed that the words came out of tat fren.. even felt bein played with.. and thus, everythin ended there.. jus there..

sometimes i felt really tired.. i only wan some place to hide n retreat when i need to.. some ppl to rely on.. some shoulder to rest my head on.. n a hug when i was cryin my heart out.. a hand that would hold me thru the winding roads in my life.. all i need is jus pamper n love.. sigh.. but sometimes i would rather build a mechanism against any possibility of being hurt.. oh.. i sound complicated.. i m complicated.. haha.. ah wei.. pls resume normal soon.. there's loads of stuff awaiting for u to do.. pls do...

Posted at 01:32 am by kwding
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Jan 21, 2008

hectic days!

ahhh... week 2 of my year 2 sem 2 had jus past by.. second week of classes and it's hectic enuff already.. extended lab sessions is enuff to kill me.. week 1 was still ok where we actually had public holidays where we still can laze around.. went off to queenspark with some coursemate and went to midvalley for movie with a fren of mine.. internet connection in melati had been terminated by me myself since it doesnt provide me services after all.. but lack of internet connection at my place cause quite some disturbance n inconvinience.. did not expect timetable to b like tat and lots of workloads are unloadin on me.. as usual 2 reports per week.. assignments had been given.. last week was really hectic.. spent most of my free hours in uni runnin up n down the lab.. tryin to finish up the extended lab session.. up n down to book the damn ftir room from the freakin annoyin lab assistant.. sigh.. been bz till din even really hav time to go for lunch.. cny is comin n lots of other public hols.. that is the good thing.. the bad news is.. loads of replacement classes are happily waiting for me.. classes had been arranged.. from this week onwards.. i had replacement like almost everyday!! n else than wed, i spent like whole day in uni since mornin till evenin at 6pm! oh my god.. y is this happenin.. i have not resume my normal workin attitude yet.. been lazing with my report from the last two days.. weekend was the only time i could work at home on my report with full access of internet.. had been really blur with the reports.. wat to do.. we hav 'excellent' instructions fro our 'beloved' lecturers.. sigh..

previous week, my menstrual pain came to pay visit to me again.. first day of menstrual cycle.. i m happily rolling on my bed encouterin the pain from 3pm till 7pm on my own.. consumes pain killer around 3pm n yet i still encounter pain till around 7.. tot of gettin myself to sleep but i couldnt so was havin a tug the war with my blanket n walls.. n happily by 4+-5pm.. i vomitted.. yea.. another vomit process happened! =.= sigh.. didnt tell mom about this.. she will start mumblin at me.. didnt went to c doctor as well.. coz don really hav the energy n i jus got back to melati at that time.. sigh at least it got better around 6.. so the followin days i consume pain killer early in the mornin b4 goin to uni.. avoidin any chances of pain to occur on me in uni since i spent long hours in uni these days.. sigh.. wat happen to me?

tomorrow i'll b followin wai san back to setapak since i was relunctant to return today.. n yea.. i hav lab first thing in the mornin for 2 n a half hour.. n no.. it doesnt end there.. will continue with extra lab session continuing last week's practical rite after the first session.. n then classes will continue till 6pm.. *eyes rolling*...

last fri when i got home, i was really tired.. did not do much work.. previously mom insisted that i change my room with kor kor.. room had been painted as well.. tat nite when i off the lights n lay back on my bed.. flashbacks happened.. this room was the first room he came in when he first come over to my house.. in between of 2 years i shifted to next room n now my mom moveed me back here.. when i look by side.. lookin at my plush toys, his figure came in.. memories of havin him by my side when he stayed over.. the pre-bedtime talks n hugs.. i remembered but it seems far d.. kinda sad thinkin back but i didnt cry.. =) i had manage to stop cryin for kinda long now.. i guess it's consider an improvement.. it had been a year now.. but yesterday when i talk bout it to my fren, somehow droplets of tears falls.. once in a while cryin out does relieves things that i had been tryin to overcome n the stress of being tough.. i will be alrite.. i know i will......

lately, i guess i was stressed with the workloads...had been encounterin pain n un comfortableness on my shoulders and neck especially.. hunchin more n more d.. no idea how to relieve this.. i guess i should go for some massage n spa perhaps? who wanna go along with me? =) with addition with the damn hard bed my mom insist of me changin with my soft bed.. argued for my nice bed back but doesnt work out.. so neck & shoulder pain + hard bed.. ugh.. i wanna die.. told my mom it made me feel worse but she says no.. harder bed should make u feel better.. fainted~~~

today went off with my family out to tesco to do some pre-cny grocery shoppin.. kinda lots of ppl there.. jus grab some stuff.. some longans, biscuits, oh my anglia shandy, nuts.. some stuff daddy say he will buy elsewhere.. hampers n gifts haven buy yet.. parent still thinkin wat to giv this year.. since we still hav time so this will b sufficient plus wont b stayin long at home as well.. classes begin kinda early after all.. ahhh.. hectic schedule doesnt allow me to go cny shoppin for my own yet.. no chance n time to go jus yet.. erm.. must allocate some time for me to do some shoppin d.. haha.. in few hours time the hectic schedule will begin once again.. sigh.. but better than ntg to do... ahhh... damn i jus remembered.. need to bring back my appraisal form to ranhill to get the company chop.. this is irritatin.. submitted report to uni but forgot bout the stamp.. hav to go admin to get my form back n need to go off to ranhill.. i don hav that much of time! time to reverse my activities time.. healthy lifestyle of sleep early wake early should end really soon as classes begins.. sleep darn late n wake darn early will b more appropriate.. hectic days....

Posted at 12:51 am by kwding
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Jan 3, 2008

new year..

in a blink of eyes, a year had gone.. hols is comin to an end really soon.. tomolo i'll b goin off back to setapak.. had been stayin at home since the 16th of dec till today.. ntg much had been done else than goin to some shoppin complex.. 2007 had been a year which i had encounter a lot.. which i dealt the most with my emotions.. i had mood swings, emotional breakdown, stressed.. had also been a year where my tears flows the most, had been a year which i lost n gain the most as well..

tonite i dunno y, suddenly i felt calm.. jus finish takin my bath.. cleanin up myself throughly had always gav me a soothin feelings.. listenin to songs n hum along is a joyful moment to me.. previous week i went back to ranhill to c mr david n visited the colleagues as well.. get all the papers done n came back home.

the previous festive season; christmas n new year had been a real quiet ones to me.. i crammed in front of my laptop drama-ing throughout the whole nite.. haha.. sounds sad after all.. but it was ok after all.. msn-ed whole nite, sms-ed as well.. at least i wasnt practically alone. =) 2 weeks passed since i last blog n although only 2 weeks it seems like so much had happen.. ntg interesting to my life.. jus some minor prob tat occurs.. new year had begin, i hope a new life awaits me in this upcomin year.. i wished i would hav a wonderful, exiciting n wonderful year ahead..

tonite as i blog, i hum along to some song of jay.. though it sounds sad, lyrics was sad n it seems like kinda suits me but dunno y i smile along with it.. does this mean i had accepted a new life a new beginnin for my life finally? tat i finally had let go? i hav no idea but it doesnt matter to me at this time.. hols had made me think n realise a lot.. before, i would sit there n start mumblin, blamin, make things seems bad, n make myself feel worse.. feeling tat i was abandon by everyone everythin in my world.. now i realise mayb it was me alone.. i remembered previously when i was chattin with jo in msn.. she told me. get up n go out n get knowin more ppl.. stop desocializing urself.. i didnt realise i was doin tat to myself.. i didnt know i did it..

next week new sem will begins, i hope i could grow into a new person, a person tat is being appreciated n known for her existence n value of my own.. new year resolution! as usual, i wished i would live a better, happier, healthier life! i wished i would gain extra self confidence in any matter! i wished i can find my way to happiness everyday! i wished *silently*... this i would keep to myself..

these days.. i developed a feeling towards nite views, nite breeze... hills, parks, seasides... ah..nvm about it.. i find no words to describe it after all.. ah.. i set a due to myself to finished up my internship's report tonite but till now i m still hesitating in beginnin it.. still being blur n lazing around at this moment.. as i return tomolo, i cant get to go online since i cut down my broadband service already since it doesnt really provide me services after all.. so i guess i would b pretty bz every weekend where i would rush home to complete all my assigned task, reports, n so on.. i had no idea y.. i m lookin forward for classes to begin.. ahhh~~ i need to get my things done.. pack up.. n facial time! lolx..

Posted at 09:36 pm by kwding
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Dec 22, 2007

intern ends..

it has been a week since i came home.. intern at ranhill had finally ended.. somehow i missed the times n days when i was there..my experience in ranhill.. i enjoyed being surrounded by such wonderful colleagues.. catherine my wonderful 'si jie', denise my 'si tai', of course mr david my 'si fu', ah leng:minhui who gav a lot of advice to me, poh ling the chemist, aitee, yah lee, ashley, syam, amir, mr ng kuan seong my supposingly direct supervisor,yen mei n etc.. i missed the days where i would arrive office around 8.15am n drop by the pantry to hav breakfast n the early talks.. i missed the lunch session tat we hav.. catherine n denise.. i missed the gossip session with u two! i missed messin around with poh ling's and ai tee's work.. i m the fuss maker in the office where i turn all of u upside down.. haha.. ranhill gav me a good workin experience though i wasnt involved in much chemist work.. but i get to experience how is it like workin in an environmetn with different level of ppl.. oh n i got famous known as ella.. even KP called me ella in the technical trainin.. p/s.. KP was my executive director.. the last day of intern.. the annual dinner was fun.. i m glad i hav played a role in it though jus a small part.. i m back at home with 2 more weeks worth of hols b4 my new sem commence.. it was bored..

today was the first day after 6 days worth of hols where i officially felt bored n in the end. yes.. as usual influence my mood of the day.. yesterday went off to meet beh. kevin n lai as well as liping at sg wang.. a not so well known route for me.. seriously if u dump me at sg wang n ask me to find u at certain shop i would b lost in it.. the times where i m there can actually b counted with one single hand i guess.. wat to do.. lai is workin there so we went off to meet him for lunch.. i came all the way to sg wang by train jus to meet them for lunch.. i never knew i was such a good friend.. haha.. previously bro's gf, hui lee's younger sister came for a visit. i went out with them to one u to shop.. my mom actually agreed to let my bro swap his card for me to shop but with a budget of rm200 only.. unortunately i was unable to find any dress tat i like.. only bought a shirt which in the end i paid on my own coz it was kinda cheap since it was a discounted item. i finished my testimonial writting n need to go back to office next week to c my si fu.. let him sign n visit my colleagues as well.. sigh.. only one week of hols i m already rottin at home.. i never like hols for a long time...

a lot had happen since the last time i blogged.. but i didnt know how to express it.. my feelings at this very moment.. this is the time where i was unable to find an words to express out.. i wished i had a known path in front which i could follow n lead me to the rite way.. a bright path which i could go thru.. i woe to myself as time pass i will grow n glow on my own.. this is a promise i must assure on my own.. when one was young, we always hope to grow up faster.. but when we grow up we sometimes still behave n think like a youngster.. n sometimes even wishin time could stop or turn back.. do we really wished to grow up? did we really grow with time? i only wished i grow into a happier person.. or was it tat i wished to be a happy go lucky person which i once was? time passed by n with a blink of eye i had already hit the big 2.0. when i was workin, colleague gave me some piece of advice.. it is time.. time for me to start the plannin of my future path.. they ask me if i hav interest in wat i m doin now.. ask me wat do i plan to do.. which field i wan to go into.. but all i could answer is i didnt know yet.. i need guidance.. how will i know wat to do?

i had always had a wish.. i always had wish i could go out n c the world.. i had always wished i could travel around.. i had always wished that someday i could go backpackin walk around n feel tat i belong to this world.. it has been a really long time since i had last travelled for a holiday.. not countin the time where i had to go back to my hometown for new year.. tat wasnt a holiday for me.. everytime i wanted to plan for a hols with my fren in the end it sure doesnt work out. i dunno y.. ended up being frustated with things.. i tot of travellin on my own but parents wouldnt allow.. previously there is a person who promised to bring me to travel on hols.. but before we manage to go off together, we had already been walkin on own path separately.. sometimes i wished there is a place where i could shed tears.. a shoulder a simple hug when i was feelin down.. but sometimes accepting seems hard for me.. trust doesnt seem to build up anymore.. commitment was a word i tried to avoid.. myself,alone, tough had been the words i live on these days..happiness had been the thing i was searchin n tryin to build.. frens was wat i live on as well but was also wat made me feel worse sometimes..

next week.. i planned to follow wen yi to the saloon to do somethin to my hair once again.. had not figure out yet wat.. most prob will be highlightin it i guess.. previously during annual dinner the stylist trim my hair into a small kid look.. considerin should i re-trim into another style.. =) two weeks to go.. i will survive these.. avoid bad mood, avoid any arguments with my parent n family.. how could my life b colourful again?

Posted at 07:02 pm by kwding
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Nov 30, 2007

i'm tagged....

i was tagged by my beloved bro, josh soo in this SEVEN thingy n as i m kinda free lepaking in the office n i was helpin him to create traffic for his blog n realised i forgot to complete his tag after a while it was up on his blog..haha.. sorry josh.. i m jus too too lazy to edit the whole thing so i copied paste from ur blog! lol... n here it goes..

Seven things to be done before my death.

Complete my studies?
Own a luxurious home studio
Get a high pay job
Met mr right of my life
Manage to lose weight n look drop dead gorgeous..
travel around the whole europe!
Shop till i drop dead

Seven things I will NOT do even if it kills me.

Go near any kind of disgusting insects or invertebratas
One night stand
put any form of nude pics of mine on net (ahahha)
Smoke any form of cigratte or cigar or watsoever..(ugh i m allergic to it!)
eat any form of extinc fauna
commit suicide????
flunk my studies

Seven things I do when I'm away from the public.

~~swear~~
erk.. bath?
emo?
hula hoop playing?
eat impolitely
sing aloud
walk around nude in my room?

Seven Fav sentences/quotes/ expression.

lalalalla
aduh..
cis...
i'm so adorable..
erk..
Aku kan baik....
sigh

Seven Fav songs of all time.

Cao Ge : Xiao Wo Ben
alicia keys : if i aint got u
Gwen Stefani : sweet escape
li shen jie : shou fang kai
wilber pan: kuai le chung bai
christina aguilera : genie in the bottle
Z Chen : Kuai le

Seven things I'll make you wish you didn't do it if you did

swear rite on my face
take all my efforts for granted without a single sound of thanx
betraying me n pretend tat u didnt say anythin about me
ordering me around doin stuff when i m not rite in the mood n tat is not my task after all
boasting all about urself when u hav done ntg
come over tellin all kind of shits just to get urself out of responsibility when somthing occurs
criticizing me badly on my apperance n some sensitive issu of mine

Seven things I wish I could fix/do