tonite is the last nite of stayin home for cny hols.. tomolo noon hav to go back to melati d since classes r beginnin on tues..m really reluctant to go back there.. don even hav the urge to finish up my work.. i hav 2 reports n 2 assignment.. one of the report is due on this tues n i hav yet manage to finish it up.. hav been strugglin along the whole hols in finishin it but was too reluctant to do so.. would end up lazing n abundent it instead.. ah..tonite i went off with my family to teluk gong for seafood dinner since my sis came back from china for cny hols.. the dinner was fine.. before tat wen yii came over to visit n had a brief talk together.. i hav no idea y when i return out of a sudden i felt down.. as in really down.. was it coz of the fact that i was reluctant to return tomolo or was it becoz of him? klang, pandamaran, bukit tinggi.. i hav no idea. my mind is really a mess at this moment.. part of it i feel bad when this hols is endin where i could finally steal time off to relax myself.. startin of classes means i hav to go thru the usual life of mine strugglin along my studies..
fact tat i hav to get back there my own tomolo is aso makin my mood bad... i was suppose to do a happy entry on my cny session here but dunno y i ended up feelin not so happy after all.. anyway, cny was jus ok.. went back to perak n celebrated with my grandparents n relatives.. it was quiet this year since some of them did not return this year.. cousins came in to grandma place to meet up with us n accompany us.. had reunion dinner in uncle's restaurant.. came back kajang on the 2nd day of lunar calendar.. yesterday i went off to wen yi's place for dinner.. it was okay.. arrived earlier to help out a bit.. then eat n eat n eat.. jo was late n went of earlier.. manage to talk a bit to wen yi as well.. updatin each other since it had been quite a while since we last met..
jus now was feelin bad.. tot of callin someone to talk to but didnt know whose number to dial.. jing went off to china for hols.. wai san went of to bali d.. jo should b soundly sleepin at this time.. wen yi ... callin jo n wen yi i aso dunno wat n how to tell them.. it was jus my mood.. ah.. it had been a while since i last become depressed out of a sudden.. saw kevin online tot of talkin with him for a bit but he was bz.. goin of jus a while after i say hi to him.. sometimes i wonder was it my fault tat it seems like i lack of close frens in my life? y is it in human's life they met diff ppl n at each stage the ppl that they saw n interact with expects differently from them?
sigh~ my report.. pages of google results was displayed on my screen n yet i was reluctant to do a single shit.. oh my god.. this is a new year.. i do not need my previous emotional habits goin on with me.. i hav abundant it quite a while.. y did u come back to me? yesterday jo return me my thumbdrive.. i had jus open it n look back at some photos.. ah.. once upon a time.. =) this year mommy started work eaerly.. so no one is free to bother bout me.. cny.. pre cny wasnt a good day for me.. somehow i er.. debated with a fren of mine about wat kind of person was i n m i.. at that very moment i felt really bad n insulted.. i hav gone thru so much previously n yet wat i got was the feelin of materialistic n controllin.. my goodness.. was i such person? no i wasnt.. i felt hurt.. n mad tat i fired my fren back.. feelin dissapointed that the words came out of tat fren.. even felt bein played with.. and thus, everythin ended there.. jus there..
sometimes i felt really tired.. i only wan some place to hide n retreat when i need to.. some ppl to rely on.. some shoulder to rest my head on.. n a hug when i was cryin my heart out.. a hand that would hold me thru the winding roads in my life.. all i need is jus pamper n love.. sigh.. but sometimes i would rather build a mechanism against any possibility of being hurt.. oh.. i sound complicated.. i m complicated.. haha.. ah wei.. pls resume normal soon.. there's loads of stuff awaiting for u to do.. pls do...
Posted at 01:32 am by
kwding
